yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
