I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Let's get the cat blown out
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
