Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
