U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
