he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
