i think my tv is drunk
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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