I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
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I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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