someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
