He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
