Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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