I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
last night I used snow as a chaser
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