What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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