I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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