You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
