so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
