He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
