Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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