I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
