I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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