we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
