And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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