the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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