I wish I could teleport
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
