No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He better not be in your backpack
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
