Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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