"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
