I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
