the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
