I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
