It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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