i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
