i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
