id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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