a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
