In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
