On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
