I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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