your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
