Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
