There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
