Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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