it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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