I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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