But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
