i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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