Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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