what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
