Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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