I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
