haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
