everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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