You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
