Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
