More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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