There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
