Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm jealous of your bromance
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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