Kiss
Puke
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
