I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
