I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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