She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
