Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My life is pants optional.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
