put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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