the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
