I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
COCAINE IS GR8
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
