He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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